• 1st June
    2012
  • 01

So far today…

Pretzels - 100

Keebler cookies - 100

FiberPlus bar - 130

Fruit tootsie roll - 25

Scooby-Doo graham crackers - 130

Total = 485 calories

I think that’s enough for today.

I know…I have such a great diet…. *sarcasm*

On a side note, I was binging on high fiber bread and PB&J yesterday.

So much so that I almost started crying when I realized what I was doing.  I caught myself though because I didn’t want my husband to see.

I don’t purge.  It scares me, so I just finished the rest of the food guiltily, trying to keep myself from crying.

T_T

  • 29th May
    2012
  • 29

It’s 5pm and I’m getting ready to leave work.

I’ve only had around 10 calories today from my fiber supplement/laxative.

I am not hungry.

There were no temptations at work today.  No snacks or leftovers in the fridge for me to scavenge.

I will see how I do when I get home.

Do not want to eat today.

Nearly cried yesterday when I looked in my closet and realized that none of my clothes fit properly.

  • 29th May
    2012
  • 29

I’ve come to the realization that I’m wearing a mask all day

A mask of normality, of happiness, of smiles, of confidence, of laughter, of responsibilities.

I realize that I feel exhausted everyday by the time I crawl into bed because I’ve been putting up a charade.

When I’m in bed, I can finally just be the girl that I am: one who is obsessive about her weight; one who beats herself up over the food she’s eaten; one who feels like she’s never good enough; one who feels like she’s in limbo because she doesn’t fit the criteria for anorexia or bulimia, but definitely has disordered eating habits; one who just wants to be wrapped up in a book and never get out of bed.

When I wake up, I put on my mask and do it all over again.

I feel exhausted no matter how many hours I sleep.

  • 25th May
    2012
  • 25
  • 25th May
    2012
  • 25
  • 25th May
    2012
  • 25
  • 25th May
    2012
  • 25
  • 25th May
    2012
  • 25
  • 25th May
    2012
  • 25
  • 25th May
    2012
  • 25